bring out the red in you.

2008-12-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

sorry guys I'm leaving this blog down and inactive.
Revived another new blog because my life is taking a turn :)
I'm going army already, there's nothing left for me to look at.
So I guess my journey for this blog ends here.
See ya all around someday.

http://red-penitence.blogspot.com

:)

What to do

2008-11-01T14:01:00.000-07:00

All the things I've been working hard for, all my time and efforts.
All gone within a week.
Clinched a deal and yet it was refused.
Formed a group and yet it was dissolved.
Where's the solid resolve?

It was a bad idea for me to be leader, why did I take it?
"Aim to try to be the best, but never the best" - Fredy.

Now I understand, being good is not the only factor.
You have to play by the way others play, not your own way.
Everyone's leaning on each other, trying hard to keep themselves alive.
One day they can come and say nice things to you, the next day they turn their backs.
They look upon you like you're great, the next thing you know they're cursing and swearing back at you.
Work hard, what's the meaning of working hard?
Dance hard, what's the meaning of dancing hard?
I've noticed a problem in me that last for a very long time.
It doesn't stop, and I always wonder, why does everyone do the same thing, and not me?

Social ties, thats what I lack.
I dance myself into overdosage.
Chinese they call it Zhou Huo Ru Muo.
Pretty true, I don't really care about others, I just want to dance.
Which makes me a pretty darn bad dancer to dance with.
Because I train harder and I full out more, expecting everyone to give in the same.
But the problem is, who has the same capability or rather should I say, who wants to get there high up?
Everyone's in their comfort zone, unwilling to push out of the boundary.

Maybe its the way everyone's brought up in.
A NRA dancer is always competitive and ever-improving.
Everyone's really improving and taking over each other.
I was brought up that way, competitive, I CAN DO IT spirit.
But looking over at my recent hideaway for dance, everything's going at a slow pace.
Relaxed and chit-chats.
I'm an alien dancer in a strange area.
No longer the Do-It-All and Keep-Improving area.
Its the Let's-Chill-Out and Dance-For-Dance area.
I wonder what dance is like now?
Is it really a last minute doable thing?
I see Daniel meets Locker AD feat. Spiderpig getting champion.
And they don't really seem to work freaking hard for it.
I see GUC in their first competition, everyone worked their ass (sort of) off and gained nothing.
GUC is going down for sure, I'm already out of it.
Its a bad name I wonder why everyone agrees with that name.
I have no ideas for names of groups, it was a random thought and tada!
My time is ending soon, army is calling for me.
I don't have a fix dance style, everyone's pushing me around.
Funkstyle pushing me away, not really any hip hop friends either.
I wonder where can I still dance at, I have HATE TAGS coming from Republic Polytechnic.
How cool is that, someone used RP's internet to send HATE TAGS to my tagboard.
No place to dance already, I'm getting old.
I'm getting tired of dancing, my routine since NRA is fading away.
Everyone's having a different way of doing things, so alienated to me.
Tried to turn down the leadership when GUC started, keep pushing.
Then now it falls, and everyone blames me.
Now I know why they say the Leader is either they hate or they love.

Come to think about it, I ain't so good anymore aren't I.
Just a dancer who got cheated out of everything from something that he loves.
And he's slowly watching it fade away when all the friends start turning against him.
I told you all I am not leader material.
Now you know why, so why hate me for?
I'm just doing what's good for the team, I'm also giving out my best for it.
So why the attitude against me?
All push everything to me, and when it crumbles, everyone just runs and form up another group.
So who is the last person to gather the pieces?
So who am I suppose to seek help from?
Darren? Daniel? Matthew? Aloy? Suling? Jann? Nick? Seow Ting? Shawn?
Please think about it, it's easy to set up a group of course it is.
But when it falls, its hard to recover.
Those who left earlier, wise move you know what is coming.
Something I predicted long ago but I held on cause I believed in those who stayed.
Those who left and crush the group, tell me where am I and who I am suppose to dance at and with now?
Trying hard to outcast me so fast already?

RED.

Huh?

2008-10-20T12:57:00.001-07:00

I came to realise how far I am away from dance.
How much deprovement I have since when I was still in NRA.
Maybe going to work and stopping my classes with ann was a bad idea afterall.
I feel like the sessions are worthless, and worse come to worse, i don't feel anything about it anymore.
Its like, are we training? or are we just dancing around?
Are we just standing around looking at other people?
Are we just finding out friends and talk to them about the recent things?
Are we just gonna sit down play game or play with our mates?
What session is that already? A chat-chit get together session?
Its only 2 days a week, I had 7 days of training last time.
So much deprovement, I don't even feel like doing anything.
Last time six pack become one pack, muscles all become fats.
Turn also cannot turn properly, constantly using back the same moves over and over again.
I guess it wasn't such a good environment for me after all.
Headhunt more for me please.
I'm not without faith or motivation, but until now?
I'm just losing them faster than anyone else.

RED.

Bond? What is Bond?

2008-10-18T04:36:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling spacy today and thus I got alot of time to think.
First major problem that I find with the current tertiary students who are dancing.
They have too many things to do for themselves, dance to them is nothing but pure interest.
I've seen people wear big clothes and say its for them to dance with comfort.
But I still see them try to wear as hippy as they can when they go out.
Ignoring the facts that they aren't dancing at all.
I'm one of them, but oddly enough I always find myself dancing wherever I go.
I don't see that in other people.
Of course there are people like me whom I know, Seng Kiat and Freddy.
All have the same habit but they seem to be much more better than me overall.
Ha, maybe I hang out with too many average dancers, my standards also dropping already.
My brother once again asked if I found a job and I was reluctant to reply.
Maybe I should REALLY consider giving up dance and go get a job.
Anyways I'm heading into army soon, who the hell will remember me anyways?
G.U.C won't stand the day I said it won't, because of the bond of people in it.
Everyone's got a different aim and they are having OTOT with it.
No one wants to improve because they don't have the determination to do so.
So once again why are you dancing for? Interest? Hobby?
Even people who dance as interest works hard for it.
I've never really seen lazy dancers, really.
But I've seen a few nowadays, sadly, those open mouth say but never do.
Disappointment, maybe I don't do anything, then I see what they can do.
The group survived because of me, but it will not keep surviving because I'm around.
I hate the facts that the group is relying on me for steps, and everything else.
And when there is no dance, they just fuck around and wait.
Oh come on, someone here with money wants to commercialise us.
And everyone's lying around waiting for what? Gold to drop from sky?
I don't get it, its a motivation to work harder, but the team is getting to relaxed about everything.
They throw their commitment around, skipping sessions for something else.
Tell me, they are paying you money to do it.
What has anything else pay you for?
Time? Think about it, how many sessions we have a week, 2? 5 days wtf are you doing that you have to skip sessions to do OTHER THINGS somemore.
Priorities and commitments, I question it over and over again.
If its that important, please just go back and study and forget about everything.
When we're getting successful, everyone breaks apart.
Use your brains people, you set up a name and people wanna invite you for commercialised items you all slack off and wait for what thing?

Go think, I'm lazy already.
Since you all wanna laze, fine I'll laze with ALL of you.
Then we see November 2nd what you all wanna do.
And keep rejecting offers, go ahead.
In just a week of two, you see our group will get replaced EASILY.
At that point of time, don't fucking whine why this happens.
Go ask your conscience if you all did anything when the opportunity comes.
Go read up on Opportunity Cost if you're a noob fuck.

P.S: Sorry sorry sorry to jade for vulgarities. But the rest? _|_

RED.

Train!

2008-09-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

Ok it's about time to get serious, watch a couple of videos already.
Like ya just a couple of them.
Watched singapore's ones and some overseas'.
I don't really feel inspired by local dance but more of the other end of the world.
What I get is motivation from singapore, their dance industry for those who tend to join competitions, I have this sub-conscious feeling I just need a proper team to dominate the market.

I'm going to freaking work, and start dancing through the night.
I'm going to re-train my NRA basics again with gratitude to the Greatest Ann.
Keep training my foundation, achieve a full double turn on both legs inwards and outwards.
Train my hitting and dime-stop, whack more.
Achieve a less plump torso :S
Eat more, dance even MORE.
Meet up with edwin mouse they all. Good brothers for life man.
Gather more music, more songs, more practises, more training.
Mould the foundation of GUC regulars, its time you all unlock your potential.
Learn driving, VROOM VROOM, 31st December'08 driving test lets go lets go!
Take down Champion of Suntec Dance next time when I'm ready. _-_
Actually I'm quite ready.. LOL
Ready? Let's GO.

RED

Huh huh

2008-09-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

Let's get it down straight shall we?
First of all, I've been training with the group once awhile.
And jadey'ing as usual.

About the competition, I suppose everyone in the team has something to say.
And that something is generally the same thing I want to talk about, before and after the competition.

Big Flaws about the competition:
1. 10 out of 11 teams are malays (gays included, trust me) GUC's the only chinese.
2. 1 Malay dancer judge, 1 Malay don't know who is he judge, 1 Chinese 40+ year old.
3. 50% Judge (Thats bad.), 50% vote (Thats even worse.)
4. Overall % of chinese in the whole competition (crew, dancers) = less than 10%.

Nevermind, I know how to win already. I have a new perspective to look forward to.
Just need everyone to train hard, harder than any other times.
Success is coming I know it, I just have to find the correct rhythm and style to portray it out.

RED.

Woohoo

2008-09-07T10:42:00.001-07:00

saw this from jadey's blog, thought it rather fits anyone now.
saw this from sl's blog, thought it rather fits me now.
"Harsh words hurts feelings
but silence breaks hearts"

Barely enough sleep for two days.
The previous day was terrible enough.
Had a tough night, again I ask for information.
Out of curiousity, it killed my sleep.
And I was excited (about the game i downloaded) and HEARTBROKEN (about what I asked).
Finally tired myself out at 9am, and POOF! check it out I woke up at 12.30pm.
Couldn't sleep anymore, play! keep playing!
How I wish I can play myself to death.
According to that, would the police arrest my computer instead of me?
Cause the computer killed me, not I suicide.
It would be interesting if you see the cops trying to figure out which parts of the computer they wanna handcuff.
The mouse and keyboard?
Then they have to bring it to the court for trial.
And it would be a silent trial which just the prosecutor and the judge talking.
And the computer would just have "silent pleads"
And there will be a cell for Computers.
Life-term jail with 24 canes.
LOL, imagine the guards wooping the computer's ASS and the parts start falling off.
Opps I sidetrack!

It seems every now and then, Jadey would post an emo post.
She's slowly changing, no longer like what I knew her to be.
Someone who can take my jokes, and not get angry.
She didn't, not anymore.
Maybe I joked too much.
She's always happy, till she met me.
So am I the devil in disguise now.
I wonder how she will think if she sees this.
I really wonder.
It just seems too nice on the exterior.
But on the inside, we're always picking out on each other on small things.
Maybe I should try getting my ass whooped by oral statements.
Or in layman terms, jump into her shoes and see the socks.
Ankle socks are cool, but then again everyone grew up wearing socks that covers part of your shin. :)

RED.

Weak

2008-09-01T14:52:00.001-07:00

One person's effort cannot bring up the whole team.
Individual diversity cannot stabilize the team's spirit.
I'm tired.
I'm fatigue.
I'm running out of gas.
Help me, please.

RED.

Aiya

2008-08-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

Aiya, everyday also jadey'ing.
Jade here Jade there.
Arbo GUC here GUC there.
Whats more to say?
There's nothing for anyone to know also, LOL.
Jadey'ing is just for me and her.
You all wanna know so much for what sia.
:) Well joining competitiong soon.
I better write something if not later everyone boycott my blog.
Then will have performance.
Now the only thing is to settle the registration.
Then we're on our way to competitiong le.
Hopefully I can get the choreo done by then.
And I hope my mum realised she owe me almost $150 worth of allowance already.
I'm super sucked dry.
Driving lesson on monday.
Gotta stay sharp and learn fast.
Wall-e is a great movie.
Go catch it.

RED.

Awww sucks

2008-08-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

Awww, everything sucks doesn't it.
I think i have this big issue that is.
I don't know what I am doing when my emotions messed up.
Rashness I guess, I anyhow do things that come to me.
When I'm not thinking straight.
Geez, well now I landed my dear Jadey Lady in emotional rollercoaster as well.
I'm random, when it comes to joking and being serious.
I'm so upset with myself.
I'll treat her nicer.
Before sixers come and comb me and hunt me down.
Nicer, nicer than anything. :D
Cause she's everything :)

RED.

Starting it.

2008-08-22T23:23:00.000-07:00

Let's get ready people.
Let's get started.
We're gonna start soon, everyone go grab your pom poms
We're gonna start dancing, for the comp.

Train, thats all I say.
Practise, thats all I want to see.
We'll start oh yeah, very soon.
Dance all the way up and down.
We'll finish it up I'm sure, a top 3.

RED.

Turn turn turn

2008-08-16T06:43:00.000-07:00

I feel disappointed, i feel bad.
I feel angry, i feel sad.

Why?

It has nothing to do with anything, I just feel remorse.
I just felt that there is something I can do, way before time.
Sometime I could have asked fate to make.
I feel so sorry for the both of us because I could have appeared earlier.
I just wished I appeared 2 years back, appearing as someone 2 years later.
Time, the only thing that I can't control at all.
The only thing that always kills me, always let me down.
Continuously, I've been tormented by this one factor in everyone's life.

We're all tied down by time, a slow ticking bomb that ends our life.
We live to die and our time gives us the number.
I thought I can fight it back, but twisting time to my own.
But unfortunately, time is not something anyone can manipulate.
I failed.

I feel retarded and kiddish, to be bothered by the time's past.
Its past isn't it?
I've learn to let go when I know I can't handle it.
To forgive is to forget.
At least I know what I have to, and I don't have to know anymore any longer.
Because history has its limits, and it ends there.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a prediction.
Embrace today because its special thats why its called the Present.

I started coughing today.
Weird, I just recovered slightly from throat inflame and fever.
Now I have cough?
Life's not started out straight.
Performance coming up again, and look at the crew all scattered.
Go touch your conscience and ask yourselves what are you all doing now.
What do you all want.

I know what I want.
I'll keep dancing.
I'll go work.
I'll keep my room clean.
I'll train harder than ever.
I'll keep to my curfews.
I'll love my Jade more each day.

Someday everyone will disappear, but I want everyone to remember.
We had a good time when we were once together.
We shared laughters, sadness, quarrels and disagreements once.

P.S: My hands are trembling today again, because I don't know what to do, again.
I'll go on with life, and my cranes. I'll be waiting for you to join me.

RED.

Insane in the Membrane

2008-08-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

Ok let me tell you something about the O School Recital.

I know everyone's excited, yay all about the performance thing thats gonna happen on December.
All wants to have that title shot at performing on the big stage.
Just for that short moment of glory.
But come to think of it, OMG where are my basics?
Am I joining this just to have a chance to perform?
Am I as common as everyone else out who just wants to get a shot at something not theirs?

I don't know if anyone noticed I've helped Su Ling through her CP talent thing since the beginning.
I'm not complaining about it, but I want to say.
I stopped when she was asking yet again for help for finals.
Reason simple, if I am choreo'ing for you all the time.
Why not just let me join? I might just take down the championship.
Rather than teaching you all the steps and stuff.
And you learn them and go up to dance my choreo.
You don't get to learn anything, and you won't feel proud of yourself either.

1. Its not your choreo, you're just dancing something not yours.
2. What have you learned? Just the steps? Or something more in depth?

I'm not a professional dancer, but what I want to say is simple.
What do you think you'll gain, from O School Recital?
A shot at fame and perhaps sign a contract with them?
LEARN something in depth? Like?
Maybe you get to learn some technical things, I say go for it.
But if its all steps and just steps, nothing else.
Then I'm sorry to say you're just a marionette doing the show for them.
I ain't stopping no one from going there, seriously.
You want to learn something new and get to perform, go ahead.
I swear to you all, GUC will disappear soon.
Its already ctumbling, can't you all see?
Just because of the NYP people having exams, yimin MIA for her stuff, Lime Funkmeister, O SCHOOL RECITAL.
Think about it, so many going for recital, for?
Why so excited over the recital? Big stage performance?
December, all the way till december, commitment all lost.
Daily practises, preparation for performance on O School.
GUC will disperse during that period of time.
We're a small group, not like FBodz or anyone else.
The main people disappears, the crew will fall.
There's no one to hold it up, I'm not really good leader-material either.
And we don't have enough people to hold it up.
Carry on like this, we can say good bye already.
Basics not up there yet, excited to take part here and there.
What's the point of continuously saying TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN.
You can gain more confidence up on stage, but when you don't have the basics and techniques.
You're just like the background dancer to other people.
They can't see you, you're like there to fill up the space.
Think about it, you can call me insane if you want.
I'm writing this down at 6.20am I haven't sleep yet.
Because I get fed up with people persuading each other to go for recitals.
EH JOIN LEH, JOIN RECITAL LEH, JOIN TOGETHER.
If you want to join so much, then just go.
Why pull here pull there, its not a fun camp.
By joining you're instantly taking out 3 months of that person's commitment to other things.
To do a performance up on stage whereby no one will ever know who you are.
Its like TBG, you see so many groups go up, but do you know the members of the group?
FBODZ is FBODZ, NRA is NRA.. you don't know them at all..
Gwah! Why do I care so much? Since everyone is for themselves.
So be it.

RED.

Work

2008-08-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

Work harder
Dance harder
Learn harder.

September's coming soon.
She's gonna study, I'm gonna work.
Calling driving instructor tomorrow.
Probably booking test itself on november timing.
This time I'mma get it right.

This time, I'm right.

RED.

Its all my fault.

2008-08-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

Its all my fault isn't it?
Like fuck yeah its all your fault for digging into her past.
She told you not to, but then your curiousity killed the cat and guess what.
Now it kills you too.
I'm so sorry to everyone involved,
My bro, Nick.
My good friend, Yimin.
My buddy, ST.
My love's good friend, Sylvia.
And of course to that very dear one of mine, Jade.

I think sorry is not enough anymore at this point of time.
Cause I hate my split personality.
I can't take it anymore, life is not as simple as I want it to be.
I'm just a simple person why does life have to make complications for me.
Its just a past thing, why do I have to dig into it?
Why did I even bother to think about what could be in her computer that I fear to see?
I don't want to think about it anymore.
I'll disappear from here, away from here.
To find what I really want to do, how to find a cure for myself.
I'm sad, really sad.
Sad because I caused her sadness for no reason.
Unreasonably me, angry and disappointed.
This time I want to say to myself, "Willie Teoh Wei Li, You fucking screwd up your life and you suck big time."

RED.

RAWR

2008-08-05T12:50:00.000-07:00

Haha, I havent been updating.. nothing to update also.
Everyday's fine, nothing deep going through my mind yet.
Yea, so its all cool, I feel fine, I feel happy!

FIRE ~ FIRE ~

HAHAHA, its a new joke in town kudos to darren.
He make the good jokes waver around in the crew.
STIM JACK, FIRE~FIRE~ haha and cheesebuns.

Can't write down the whole list of things I've done since the previous post.
Basically, its jadey'ing almost 90% of the time and some of them is to GUC of course.
Great performance, screwd BBoy item and of course, Daniel for that classic "Huh whats the missing part in that performance, OH! I'm supposed to go in and lock!"
Its ok already, its over, I'm glad the people liked it, so I suppose we'll be able to see more performances coming up soon. :)

I've contacted the Grassroots Leader aka Sembawang RC Chairman.
LOL He seems pleased with us, I think its suppose to be in the GUC blog that I write this part but oh well.

Also, if you realised, I don't update photos, kinda lazy and I don't have the photos.
I don't like to bio VOX and blogs just to kope the photos.
Lazy.
So next time please send it out in zipped file, for the photos we have taken so I can make an album in my computer. haha!

Been playing dota with darren, shawn, nick and derick.
All the dope shits although sometimes the teamwork's rather sucky that I don't want to participate in gangbangs with them.
Lowering time on Cabal, thinking about repairing my psp already.
And to work of course, office hours. Its about time to work already.
My precious's gonna start school, so I have to start working to get myself busy.
RAWR, I hope I can get silang job with internet access. :)

RED.

oh

2008-07-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

OK, so I guess everyone's thinking like
WOW thats alot of quiz you got there, you !@$#$@%#$5 boring person.

So now, I'll write something down.

To those who performed, its time for the evaluation.
I'm not going to give you positive comments before the negative ones.
And I'm just commenting on those who did the same segment as me.
I saw the video, so ya. Here it goes..

Popping:
Yes the effect is good but face it everyone sucked on stage, I bet the audience don't even know a single shit what we're doing. Hitting completely cannot see, popping routine is really KNS because you guys never train the actualy posture.

Good ending and starting though, its kinda boring for the starting and no link at the end.

LA Hip Hop:
If I am to comment whose the best, I will say Daniel at least catched up. Yimin would be second (you always alter moves, not in front of me but when you go on stage it looks so different) and of course the excusable Nick is apparently and expectedly the least. Missed everything by 1 - 2 beats, screwd the whole shit up on the second half, keep staring at daniel to get steps, all the fatal flaws of a dancer on stage.

Its a good wake-up call for you all, partly my fault for not being able to push the whole choreo out in time so I guess I owe you all an apology. Daniel keep up the work, but this time focus more on body control, you lockers all same problem. Yimin stick to the choreo and please full out more, you look like you're being bondaged, restricted movements, don't blame the stage, if i can full out i don't see why you can't. Nick, now you know 3 items back to back is hard right? Train harder and pay more attention, focus on your body muscles what muscle move what. And train your stamina you look outcold when the third item of yours start, thats not good. Practice makes perfect.

HipHop:
No major flaw except a few small ones by Shawn and the house step that I forgot was the biggest error for the whole thing. What you all lack of is, freestyle. My hypothesis for you all, freestyle is not = shake your ass or do my stupid move. Your style your flavour, create it and do something you're comfortable with. Please don't make me add in a freestyle training for you guys to practice your charisma and posing. Its really easy, just thick skin abit and do it. House ok, not bad, I kinda liked it and it didn't turn out to be that bad. Hip hop was ok, partly because of the confined space we have.

No major error in anyone, so keep practising and follow the music, I dont want to hear things like, I dont know where it starts, I don't know where the music is. Shawn dedicate to you, you don't know? Go listen till you know.. Tell me you don't know again, I assume you didn't even practise. Same goes out to everyone.

The rest of the choreos
everything's fine because I'm not the choreographer nor IC of the segments, but it looks good. Major flaw is, no anticipation, no energy, no spontaneous spirit (except matthew good job seriously) and no strength nor sharpness in the dance.

Now you all know why people practise their asses off? Its not just about learning the step and throwing it up on stage, its about what you want people to look at when you're at there. A confident, sexy, charismatic, talented, good-looking person? or a snobbish person who just learn things and go up just to perform for the sake of money/performing.

3rd August make it big ya? Don't let the audience disappointed, I know I won't. So I hope you all do your best as well. First impression is always important, first impression is the gateway to alot of things. Who knows next time we'll be a regular in performing for the CC or RC or CLAP! events? Think of the long run, not lazy then just wack the choreo up there. People have eyes and ears, they see what they like, they'll spread info. Thats how people get their fame, its earned not demand.

Back to reality:

Stayed at home, play CABAL.
Woohoo I'm at level 40 already,
Shawn was assuring me I would become bored when I'm at level 50.
hmmm, I think he''s quite true, I'm becoming bored already.
Its all the leveling thats hard to manage and the Quests are like overwhelming.
So many to finish up that you'll go bonkers -.-
I am hopin to get a driving instuctor soon, I don't want to miss my 22 Sept booking for TP.
So I can start driving, then I have to start working already also. -.-
Oh well, its for the future right, money is a material to our process of life.
Without it, its hard to live in this world which depends alot of numbers and digits.
Tomorrow I'mma see Jade's mum for the first time, argh.. what should I wear?
I better pray I get my hair cut by afternoon if not I'm GG.

RED.

QUIZ!

2008-07-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

You Are 52% Feminine, 48% Masculine

You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides.

You're sensitive at the right times, but you don't let your emotions overwhelm you.

You're not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

Hmmmmm, not female nor male.. interesting... :)

Your Gluttony Quotient: 45%

You definitely have your gluttonous moments. For you, eating is a true hobby.

And while you do spend a lot on food, you can always make it back winning eating contests.

How Much Gluttony Do You Have?

Now you know why I eat so much.. hahah!

Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 76%

You have a good chance of being a multimillionaire. Better than most people.

You simply have a natural knack for money and the personality for success.

Will You Be a Multimillionaire?

Thats a pretty high chance, no wait... that would mean I have 20+% of not being one.. -.- oh well its just numbers isn't it.. it'll work out somehow.. haha.

Your EQ is 113

You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well.

Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well.

You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed.

You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

How high is the highest EQ anyways? I guess I'm pretty averaged out.. hahah

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a multi dimensional wonderland, with many layers.

You're the type that always has multiple streams of though going.

And you can keep these thoughts going at any time.

You're very likely to be engaged in deep thought - and deep conversation.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

I should try doing maths and playing PSP at the same time, multi-D brain :D

quiz

2008-07-23T14:06:00.001-07:00

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you.

You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations.

You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves.

You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's Your Inner Gender?

You Have Very Healthy Relationships

You are an amazing friend, partner, and family member.

You always take other people's feelings into account, and you're never selfish.

Your relationships are based on mutual respect.

You respect the people you love, and you only love people who respect you in return.

Do You Have Healthy Relationships?

You Are Totally Like Your Mom

You and your mom are practically clones.

You think alike, and you even seem to read each other's minds.

You're definitely you're mother's child... and that's just fine with you.

Are You Like Your Mom?

You Are Ready, Willing, and Able to Commit

You are not scared of commitment in the least.

In fact, there's a good chance that you're already committed to someone you love.

You are willing to give up a little freedom for relationship stability.

And once you're in a relationship, you'll do almost anything to make things work.

Are You Afraid of Commitment?

You Are an "A-OK"

Your life philosophy can be summed up as, "Whatever will be, will be."

Your greatest wish is to live each day a little better than the next.

You are naturally calm and stable. Some people would call you a rock.

You feel one with the world. You are a spiritual person, though no one who knows you would guess it.

What Hand Gesture Are You?

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.

Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.

You are willing to sacrifice your world for your sweetie.

Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.

For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

quiz

2008-07-22T15:49:00.000-07:00

Rules : Bloggers that has been tag has to posted 10 random facts or habit about themselves. And at the end of it, bloggers has to tag ten peeps to do this quiz :) and of course tell them they have been tagged.

1. I love red and jade.
2. The fact that I danced almost 4 years yet I still feel noob. =\
3. Oh oh! I love to eat weird things that I cooked. :D
4. My hair is soft and silky.. LOL
5. I can do reggae. :S
6. I love new school hip hop.
7. I wish to make a SG WCO team. (Future GUC ^^)
8. I like to cook. :S
9. Nothing beats sitting at home and play games.
10. I want to drive people around when I get my license.

people being tagged:(u have to repost ur facts)
Supposedly everyone who sees this already wrote one -.-

Pass this Quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you.Those who had did the quiz can ignore...those named,plz do it...

1) Jade
2) Yimin
3) Nick
4) Seow Ting
5) Jannson
6) Shawn
7) Suling
8) Darren
9) Mouse
10) Joyce

*Who is no.6 having relationship with?- Eh, huh? I'm not really updated. :S
*Is no.9 a male or female? - Animal! No la, he's a male. :S
* If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?- 10 probably won't mind.
* What is no.2 studying about?- At NTU, don't know the details, lazy. :S
* When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?- 5 hours ago I think, at around 1am+?
* What kind of music band does no.8 like? - I know this, he likes Popping music.
* Does no.1 have any siblings?- Elder brother 3 years older called Leon, younger sis called Feon or something? thats weird why is she called Jade then? -.-
* Will you woo no.3?- He's my partner's brother and my brother also, I'm not incest =S
* How about no.7?- I don't deal in deforestation, neither would I want to. =S
* Is no.4 single?- Yes till two days ago.
* What is the surname of no.5? - Koh according to yimin. -.-
* What 's the hobby of no.4?- Dance, particularly popping.
* Does no.5 and 9 get along well?- Well, 9 can learn beatbox from 5. :)
* Where is no.2 studying at?- Nanyang Technological University
* Talk something casually about no.1:- Jade For Life =D
* Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?- Pui, he's a good game mate though. :S
* Where does no.9 live at?- Bukit Timah area.
* What colour does no.4 like?- Pink? ya, pink. -.-
* Are no.5 and 1 best friends?- Neutral friend.
* Does no.7 like no.2?- Ya, they share secrets and I chup in also. :)
* How do you get to know no.2?- Through the previous Funkabots and then WCO classes.
* Does no.1 have any pets?- Hamster called Mao mao.
* Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?- Yeah, she's the sexiest mobile forest I've seen in my life, most forests are non-movable lands except her. She's hot! :)

ok ok come baack liao

2008-07-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

Yes yes, complain I never update, I'm not so free.
Decided to devote myself to dance, games, jade and more jade.
Maybe her mother also, since she look abit into me already.
Need to cut hair already, performance coming soon.
Long hair will look gay, short hair also look gay.
What to do?

Choreography on the way, seriously I'm behind time.
I don't intend to sleep tonight and chiong my dance literally.
Almost finished my first song for hip hop.. Guess what?
I forgot all about LA hiphop..
GG!
Hard ppart is I haave to choreo mysself and I strongly promote originality.
So I don't bite anything at all, just trial and error till I think its ok.
Basics ya? They all having get up to my standard.
Slowly ba, I hopee I can make a team for new style standard.
Shake the world and take it down by storm.
Maybe win the Funkamania and Suntec Dance 2009.
GUC people lets do this, seriously.
We're of performance quality, face it.
House, lock, pop, new school, LA, lyrical, bboy.
What else is there needed..
RC then CC then Studio then GUCCI, thats what I told yimin. LOL.

Been playing dota with nick, yimin, shawn and sometimes darren.
Sorry st if I stole him from you, but dont worry he's pretty much stuck on you.
people stop quarreling on my tagboard! although i love commotion but i prefer peace and tranquillity.
Yimin its your wrong not to tag Jade, your everything partner.
Remember what i said, a tree always remembers its roots.
You'll become like Klock if you don't.

And to jade, 2160 days more. :D
what I promise to you, I'll get it done.
even if I have to pay it with my life..
which is not likely going to happen anytime sooner or later..
LOL but then again ya, take care of yourself when i'm not around.
although I'm the one more dependent on you.
I'm glad your mum's asking, i'll leave a good impression on her next time i go your house. :D
and maybe your dad and my dad can go for a spin at the seas with their fishing rods.
HAHA! :)
we'll be cruising ya? on the car next week. lol
soon i'll drive you around, we'll go watch the stars lying in the car.
we'll have supper at the edge of this island and we'll watch the sun rise and set in the comfort of yours and mine. :D

OK, enough of dramatisation.. I need to choreo already..
if not they will take me out alive, then nno more willie-ing for those who know what it is -.-

RED.

Gay today

2008-07-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

I slept at 5, woke up at 7.
Slept again, woke up at 8 from a weird dream.
A dream that almost landed me in tears.
But I'm kinda relieved yet stressed that the dream happened.
Because dreams don't come true, but yet there's something called deja vu.
Whats the dream you ask?
I dreamt one guy came and pass a bag of gifts to Jade.
when I was walking with her at a shopping centre.
The bag of gifts included some greeting cards and balloons.
And she was smitten by it, saying, "Wha, this will be my new boyfriend."
Then I said, "Huh, like that also can arh? What about me?"
She replied, "Sometimes you have to give gifts once in a while what, you have meh?"
I said, "How you know I not preparing any? (I lied)"

Next thing I know, she disappeared from the dream.
I was on the floor in a curled up position lying there.
Heartbroken, and thats how I woke up today.
First time I have this kind of dream.
And I woke up feeling even more crappy.
Which is why I wrote this down, =S
So maybe now this dream's a warning to me, she might just go off with any guy.
So I need to cherish more and get her to appreciate.
Hmmmm, weird dream but its a good wake up call I suppose.

Performance starting soon, have to really buck up.
I have alot of stress now, so probably my LA Hiphop damn easy to choreo already.
Especially when I'm stressed and emotional I have alot of ideas and I wack the choreo easily.
Can't think too much now, have to dance.
Hopefully I will forget everything and I know my roots.
After all, I love dance alot but recently she's on top of it already.
=)
I mean is there a need to say it out?
Yimin's telling me she can see what kind of person I am.
But Jade told me something I will never forget, something thats the most stressful to anyone who hears it.

"I don't even give a damn if you don't mean something to me."
"be glad; you affect my mood because you mean something to me."

Its not a good thing to hear that, maybe she rephrased it wrongly.
But to me, only way to describe is my heart drop down already.
Really dropped off at that point, its like it is not important what I feel.
Everything is about her, she made it sound like she can just fk care anytime.
Because I'm nothing in her eyes.
I'm not the best anyways.
Even if I try to be, who would appreciate?
NRA
WCO

RED.

OOOO

2008-07-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

What Does My Name Means

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.

You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.

You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

?

2008-07-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

So what exactly happened this few days.
Well I have a couple of sessions going on.
Been to the beach with them all to play.
Had some things going on, so next time we're going to play BBALL.
Aki's going off this thursday I think, so we'll all be getting ready to dine with him while he's still a golden hair monkey. :)
Also, I'm going to become an amateur instructor already.
How on earth do I get to become one when there's so many better ones out there.
Maybe its because I like to share alot of things ba.
But one thing I want to say is, I'm doing my own style.
So if those at O school says its this and not like mine, please follow them ya?
I don't have a standard like theirs, its just what my style poses me to.
:) Will be teaching so many people,
Shawn, yimin, suling, darren and don't know still got who sia..
How to choreo first, I'll be like scratching my head on how to choreo already.
Private sessions, jade's gonna start working again.
I need to REALLY find a job for august already
can't live on my salary forever you know!
Been playing maple also, level 171 Hero.
Brandish is the way to go still~ hahhahah

RED.

My goal

2008-07-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

I officially announce.
My genre of dance.

NEW SCHOOL HIP HOP
HOUSE
POPPING

My main 3, other small ones would include locking, bboy, lyrical L.A and of course hip hop.
Dance as much as I can.
Choreo as much as I can.

Next!

What have I been doing this few days.
I probably won't be training with mouse and edwin.
Because they formed their crew already, Flow Motion Stepperz.
And obviously they see that they don't have the need for me.
So they are keeping their training discreet and to reduce their contact with me.
As usual, they did that once during the chinaman thing, and now they do it again.
Well its ok!
I know what dance I am capable of, they can't see it also.
Its like, I'm not good enough for them.
But seriously, they're not even up to my standard either.
So what I can suggest is that we're taking different paths.
I hereby wish them good luck for the 4th time.
X Elements Crew. (themselves)
Dark Angel Crew. (with the chinaman)
Ammunition Crew. (with don and melvin)
Flow Motion Stepperz. (with yoshi bboy)

Hopefully it would be a successful one.
I'll be dancing all the way though.
Not really a material for bboy anyways, hahaha!
I'm gonna do HOUSE!
Everything also new school!
Cause I don't like to stick to one thing.
I wanna flow with everything.
Tried before:
Locking
Popping
Hip Hop
Street Jazz
Lyrical Jazz
Lyrical Hip Hop
House
Bboy

Never really noticed what's L.A Hip hop till yimin said it looked like that.
I'm like.. ooooohhhhhhhh!
Oh well..
Playing maplestory when I'm free though.
Darren please come back and play with you're free.
We need a healer.
Jacky's able to kill the ah ma and ah pek at the hideout by himself.
Well thats because I lag like mad when the bosses come out.. LOL
But i did pretty good.
He's pretty impressed by my killing speed. Brandish FTW!

Missed another class, and my only test.
I think I wanna like get to my lecturer and ask him to let me take the test again.
Cause I was kinda stressed out that night before the classes and I skipped it.
I want to pass though, don't wanna stay there any longer. :)
Thats what I promised Jade also, study pass and get the hell out of it.
So I'll do it then.
Final Theory is coming soon also.
I suppose I can like, study 3 or 4 days before it.
Then apply for PDL and get my instructor to teach me already.
I wanna start driving, start going out for suppers.
I kinda memorised how to get to toa payoh only.. HAHA!
She's looking forward to it.
Oh yeah, thanks for the clothes and food and that uber nice badge!
I wish I'm like more productive in doing things.
Maybe you're my new motivation!
978! remember that!

RED.

Rough

2008-06-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

Rough performance.
First time performing freestyle unchoreographed.
Now I know why they're so good at it.
Unchallenged I suppose.
Will work harder towards it.
Talked with leader Yoshi, learnt some new things.
He's kinda like an enthusiast, everything also want to learn.
Maybe I should carry that spirit with me.
JADE's coming back soon, miss her so much.
Was thinking if I should just go down and find her at midnight.
But I am having the thoughts that someone would go down and fetch her like her bro.
Monday monday!
Training hard again, surprisingly.
Today's my "off" day from dance.
Played tons of maplestory.
Don't laugh at me, I broke my LCD of my psp.
And I don't have games to play.
Its just like a "pass time" thingy I would normally do at home.
Play games and time passes like water flowing.
LA!
PROJECT J.A.D.E has been halted for some reasons.
I don't think we have enough time to get it done.
Unmatched schedule.
And was quite busy with suling's choreo for her audition.
I just wished she would put in more efforts with the choreography.
Not to say its not enough, she's good.
But she lack the determination to full out on trainings.
That would only mean that she won't be doing full outs on the actual day.
Give in 70% now, go up stage it becomes like 35%.
So I wish you good luck already.
I myself still have stage fright because my club didn't really push me for it.
Very little performances, the instructor would always give to my seniors.
Disappointment in them already.
Well slowly train!
Flow Motion Stepperz!
Watch out for us.
I'm impressed by the leader's achievements.
He has like a dozen champion titles in so many competitions.
As well as the Judge for this year's BOTY at Thailand.
Amazing isn't it.
I think I would be going there.
I would love to bring people along with me as well.
But oh well.
For now, just rest. :)

Training

2008-06-24T04:27:00.000-07:00

4 days of her holidays = my 4 days of non-stop training.
Agenda:

Train Bboy with Edwin.
Train Popping with Mouse.
Train locking by myself.
Train Choreo with Suling till she gets to her audition.
Train house with yimin, Choreography of 10 eights before Jade comes back.
Train Core muscles when at home.
Also, read up on Final Theory, test coming soon on 15th July.
Get Raymond (my brother's instructor) for TP, get ready for the last final test.
Try not to eat at night, and not to fix my psp.
Save money, get work for months of July and August.
Do Project with my friends, for AVEF.
Plan to do another personal AVEF project for Quattro Soulz.
:) Put a smile on my lady jadey.
Answer to the crisis! on 9th July.
:D

READY FOR REDEY?

RED.

train

2008-06-18T02:15:00.000-07:00

This month's Agenda.

Choreo for at least 5 songs.
Full at least 1:30 duration.
Songs, chosen already.
Now just need to choreo like fk.
=x

LFY for the win.
Live for Youth!

:D:D:D:D
RED.

RED

2008-06-17T12:03:00.000-07:00

even if the chemical in my brain changes,
the feeling will still be the same.
it doesn't take age to change the heart,
but it does take age to know i would be still the same.

Everyone's so tired today.
So am I.
Helped su ling with her choreography for her audition.
Helped talk some sense into seowting, I know she is still confused.
Possibly going to session at bukit timah again at night with edwin and mouse.
Or else I'll be going down oschool to celebrate jannson's birthday.
And possibly jade's going as well, I don't know who else is.
Gonna slack out with mouse tomorrow, play basketball and stuff.
Gonna show Yimin the 1.5L Lemon Barley, my way.
LOL..
Gonna sleep now.

LIKE NOW.

GOOD NIGHT.

RED.

Bored

2008-06-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

My first resting day.
Danced awhile at home.
Downloaded (finally) the song that I wanted so much.
Now I have 3 dope songs at my disposal.
I wanna organise a group of hiphop team.
To go on competition, to win.
I want to start choreo'ing.
Because long time ago I was defected from my club.
And I didn't get to join any good teams.
In need of finding super flexy and fast dancers.
To do some choreo, WCO style.
But anyways,
This whole week was like, WOAH.
I really got face cramps just thinking about it.
I don't know what to say, maybe I'm just shy that I didn't say.
I hope I don't regret not saying it earlier.
Cause I will say it soon, just like I meant it to be.
Butteflies in the stomach, burning feeling.
The urge to like just BURST OUT saying it.
:):):)
BURST like a balloon.
*POP*
Hahahaha.. well, someday just happens for a reason.
"There is nothing such as an accident."
This is not one either.
And I'm like SUPER happy about it.
:):):):):):)
I can have like double chins being happy about it.
:)) :)) :)) :)) LOL
*face cramps*
She wants it permanent on my face, I hope it doesn't come with the cramps.
:)
Cheers to you.

RED.

woah

2008-06-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today's a great day!
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
Yesterday was as good as well!
But never better than today!!!
:):):):):):)):):):):):):):):):):):)
Mixed Popcorn with weird drink and a fan!
Kung Fu Panda was superb like seriously!
Won't want another CG coming up so soon!
Just immerse in KFP and enjoy the show!
Its really good like 6.5/5
hahaha Damn funny also.
Worth the watch.
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

It is the greatest day, yet.
:)
I bet there are more greater days coming soon..

hahah!

RED.

Hmmm

2008-06-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

once again I'm here to leave a small entry.
They're all sleeping now.
Aloy's sleeping with mouse, i call that the Aloimous Area.
Edwin's sleeping alone, thats the Winning Edition area.
I'm sleeping on my own bed, the Wonka area.
I think I bathe too long though.
So they're all sleeping, I'm not :)
Was thinking I should post up another entry here since I'm quite bored.
Haha!
Games nowadays are getting abit bored already.
Maybe because I'm focused on something else.
Haha, was dying to play monster hunter years ago.
Now play till sian already, come to think about it.
Its been almost 4 months since we played monster hunter together.
All dope shit already.
But still playing it though.
Today and tomorrow's gonna be a great day.
Spend no money day, hahaha but ain't gonna stop me from buying.
Movie tickets.
Food definitely.
Drinks.
Maybe leisure stuff?
But definitely gonna spend some money.
I was happy to hear it, I guess it was a good idea.
Save money, go out and have fun.
Why not?
I would love to do that, nothing's more fun than companionship.
Nothing's more fun when you're doing it with someone else.
Alone would be a bit boring.
I would play my games the whole day.
JUST TO KILL TIME.
But anyways.
Its a great day and I look forward to it.
Go Yuichi!
GO GO! :):)
I would have so many face cramps.
:):):):):):)):)

BRAWRH

2008-06-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

I'm, able to dance today!
Like so finally again, I can dance dance dance!
Mon - Wed no work!
No nothing!
But I'm booked! :):):)
By someone who read my blog at 1.30am+.
HA!
YEAH ITS YOU.
The Second Bunny.

hahahhaa, I think you two should meet each other and become the bunny sisters!

:):):):)
I'm happy la, seriously.
And I feel high in your car for swure.

RED.

ARGH

2008-06-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

SHE'S MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSSS!
*bites the index finger off frodo*
LOL.
Just came into my mind suddenly.
Have been going through the steps of UU, Hanai, Yokoi, Bon and Take.
Can't remember them all but it was fun definitely.
I love WCO for life.
I'll join them next time I'm financially ready.. :)
Jade's like Bunny in so many ways.
:)
Like seriously.
Its cool I guess.
MONEY PLEASE COME TOMORROW.
OR I SLAP THE MANAGER WITH ANY HAMS I CAN GET MY HANDS ON.
LOCKING FOR NOW, I will keep training my locking.
Then I'll go for house.
Edwin wants to go Oschool also.
Well We'll try that soon some day when I'm ready.

:)

TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN
DANCE DANCE DANCE
WORK WORK WORK
LOVE LOVE LOVE
:X

RED.

2008-06-01T17:21:00.000-07:00

I'll train harder.
Put all my sorrows into dance.
And dance it all out.
Keep dancing, just dance.
Keep practising the steps, get use to it.
Don't care the surrounding, just dance.
dance FTW!

RED.

Resolution

2008-05-31T09:27:00.000-07:00

Firstly let me predict some things alright?

Leon is probably having a high percentage of spying on my blog.
Because I wrote the url on friendster.
Being a cowardice he would probably stare at the posts.
And see what I am doing, and prevent it from happening.
Upon reading this, there is a 20% chance he will tag and provoke at me.
Because he has what I don't, yes thats right.
He has clara on his side now.

Probably gaining trust from her, he now proceeds to tie her down as much as possible.
"When you get successful, please remember to acknowledge me."
I would as much as I can, I will.
He's probably going to ask what clara said to me.

That could be the first prediction for now.

Second prediction.
All that clara told me that night, was just a lie.
Probably just to tease me and hopefully get into my good graces so she can enjoy free help with anything that she needs.
Probably just a help and ask thing, thats what she wanted.
And she'll probably be laughing off her ass with leon about what she made me feel.
Like "omg look at that fucktard he actually got so affected by what I say."
Hopefully that doesn't happen, if not I really am lost for words.

Third prediction.
She's probably studying and her handphones kept by her parents.
And at night she steal chances to play Audition and totally forget about msn.
Much less say me, ya like who the fuck am I to her.
I'm not Leon anyways.
They are probably playing together and after that she's tired and she went sleep.
And that would have been happening for 3 days and 3 nights and counting.
After the second night we talked, she probably got bored of me.
And now its back to her "DEAR" leon.
Whom she enjoys playing game with so much only.
I would dare say she didn't have much freedom?
I know her quite abit about her family stuff.
She probably won't even dare to sneak out.
Disastrous I would say.
But then again I know she's a nice girl.
Thats why I chosen to wait as long as it takes.
For her to notice me.
"You don't have to suffer in silence, should tell me how you feel all the time."
Erm, stop your yapping if you don't mean it ya?
I contact you like all the time?
Keep asking here and there I find it irritating myself already.
You'll always be here with me?
What you writing poem?
Was that a literature class you're taking with me that night?
If you really can't make it, tell me
Don't give me empty promises and disappointments.
I stare at the fucking phone so many times everyday.
Hoping one fine day I would fucking see your msg or anything.
But no.
I don't even know what you're doing, I can only feel that you're having a lot of problems now and you're worrying here and there.
That's all I can feel for you now.
Because you don't even bother to tell me anything, only what it happens.
So tell me, it was all a joke wasn't it?
I was dead serious.
I really don't know about you this time.
Was it materialism you're after?
Are you waiting for me to strike it rich?
Then you will consider?
Are other guys rich as well when you go with them?
Why do I have to be an exceptional choice.
Its like you look really down on me, yet look high on others.
I don't understand.
I want to heal my pain you just inflicted on me so badly a few nights ago.
and slowly start my silent pain all over again, till a few months later.
When the same thing happens.
I'll make you my last.
for real.

RED.

Agenda Agenda!

2008-05-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

Things I wanna do this month, June.
Catch a fking toy from the fking $1 machine in the arcade.
Study the fking final theory book.
fking Start saving money for next time.
Get fking ready for WCO classes, I need a fking work out for this fking time.
Buy a fking ticket for TBG.
fking Pack my fking messy room with my own fking hands.
fking Surprise my fking love with a fking super fking special fking thing.
fking learn where's my fking pressure points to fking spray the fking perfume.
fking keep my hygience fking good so i can fking enjoy fking comfortably.
fking fetch edwin from the fking airport, together with fking mouse and fking aloy.

Things I wanna do for next time July onwards.
fking find another job for more money.
fking get a mac-fking notebook (must fking be fking gameable).
fking get a fking mini plasma tv for my fking room.
fking get a fking mini fking fridge for my fking room as fking well.
fking go back to fking NRA and fking dance like a fking mad person.
fking choreograph something for my fking love for the first fking time.

of course.
FKING WIN HER OVER ALREADY FOR THE FKING TIMES THE FKING BUNNY TELLS ME FKING TO.

:) remove the fking word to read a more decent language.

RED. I'll think of something else next time. :)

fking. serious. fking. LOL

Agendas

2008-05-29T17:50:00.000-07:00

I feel asleep damn early yesterday!
like 2am?
Super tired already.
And I woke up 9 TODAY?
No link. Just super tired.
Now also very tired but don't know why did I wake up so early for.
Anticipation ba.
But then again today got alot of things to do.
Have to pack my room, I'm thinking of reordering my room.
And later at 4 I'm going woodlands to find my new crew mates.
FUNKABOTS, haven't officially join them yet.
So.. ya! Today going to dance with them for the first time.
:) give me strength to continue!
Here's something interesting I did yesterday.
Well I did two interesting ideas yesterday.
But I was think of it as one, because the other kinda failed.. LOL
So here it is..
Take a look at it!

Its ok if you don't understand the native words.
Just have to tilt your head to the right.

:)

ILLIE RED.

hey..

2008-05-28T12:39:00.000-07:00

is this our turn-about, babe?
is this the mutual feeling?

I don't know, but I do know I want to know 24/7 how you're feeling and what you're going through.
I won't need your entertain, I'll be your every entertainment you need.
Cry, laugh, green with jealousy, RED with anger or love.
Remember I'll always be around you, when you need/want me to be.
Constantly thinking about you, but the cowardice to disturb you.
The fear of irritation, I can hit high extremes.
Because I care for you, even after months of undaunted contact.
I know who I want, I know what my life is all about.
You will probably tell me whats the answer you have in your mind.
Then I'll tell you straight into your eyes, yes thats the answer.
We know each other like an open book.
I would love to read all about you everyday everytime.
Deep and mindless thoughts and misses for you, belle.
Like I said it half a year ago,
I will say it now.

"To me, you're already my goddess."

I would do anything to climb up the beanstalk.
And I will starting climbing, back into your grace.
My dearest lovely royal sotongness,
Something that I wouldn't dare to say to you back in the early start.
I think I've fallen for you,
and I love you to the core.

Thats all I can say, and I'll continue to live with it.
Just so you know, my loyalty is yours.
For the queen!

ILLIE.

Inspirations

2008-05-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

Wee, today's a pretty heart-pumping day.
Yutaka is coming back already!
Can't wait to see one of my dear brothers again.
Lately haven't been dancing.
Attempted to join Aloysius's Funkabot crew, but I guess I'm too amateur for it.
I'm nothing of dance material nowadays.
Never dance at all, getting fatter from constant eating.
Argh.. I want a mirror and a dancefloor.
I want to play with new school hip hop.
Tomorrow working again,
Wednesday working somemore,
Thursday working also.
Finally a break on Friday, I hope they have sessioning at RP again.
Never made it there once before at all.
Gosh, thats my affinity with dance.
Absolutely zero affinity, can't even have the time for it.
I hope after Yutaka comes back I have more time.
Heard that my work schedule for next month has been changed to thursday to sunday.
That means monday to wednesday I'm quite free already.
:) Time to dance.
July 15's my final theory test.
Gotta study, it draws extreme close very fast when you're occupied with things to do.
By the way I've learnt to park properly.
And its darn straight.
This is how straight I parked that night, ALONE.
Mouse wasn't there to guide, I just simply parked in between those cars.
:) Impressive eh? I'm pretty amazed myself.

Well I have to sleep already.
Going to kill Fatalis by myself, fourth round!
Wacked off 3 horns, slashed the eye, slashed the torso.
Ripped the wings and now I'm off to kill him!
Then I go sleep!

ILLIE aka RED.

Change

2008-05-24T03:59:00.001-07:00

Well I'm starting to like my own lifestyle I guess.
Some friends left and some friends appear again.
But I just wished some would have stayed.
Outcasted by NRA, totally.
But oh well, there are things in life.
You give and you take, its common.
I'll give them up, so I'll take the next time.
:)
Learning driving, working.
Nothing else, sad to say I'm distant from dance already.
How long have I never danced in front of the mirror you ask?
Since the last NRA Audition on saturday weeks ago.
But I guess everything would change.
Working nowadays, finally reaching almost to the end of the month.
Which means my salary is coming soon!
Quite little though, but then again, just keep working lor what to do.
Have to feed the car soon.
And I'm not a shoppa-holic so maybe I won't get so much things for myself.
But one thing I'm for sure is I want to save money.
Clean up my messy room and look neat.
I'm so lazy nowadays, really.
Play monster hunter all the way.
:D
Well guys and girls out there, I'm sorry if we never get to talk much.
Or I'm a bad friend in your opinions, cause I think I am.
But then again, give me a chance and come talk to me.
I'll be nice I promise.

:D

ILLIE.

Work hard

2008-05-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm going to work hard towards my car.
Get a license and start to love my car.
Maybe I have a better affinity for non-living things.
Affinity is not critical rate, this is not monster hunter. Thanks
Then probably I'll work on something else ya?
Get into army, save as much money as possible.
And join forces with mouse and yutaka.
To set up business.
I would love to set up business with them.
Cause we're brothers, through thick and thin.
I'll go with them always.
Business we'll set up, and get rich together.
We're hoping to set up a club.
Then a restaurant, using a particular name.
To boost the name such that as long as any product has that label on it.
Its branded, like example imagine a Armani Restaurant or something.
Armani is a strong brand.
So people would expect to flood it with high requirements.

Rich?
I'll buy a car soon in 7 years.
We'll all buy a car!
:D

RED.

Reminisce

2008-05-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

Well its time to reminisce already.

Guess what?
I'm married today!
To my new Honda Civic 1.8 i-Vtec.
She came like a beauty and she stunned me for life.
Just like my gorgeous looking Deep Red PSP2000 Slim.
The 2 big things in my life!
Stay true forever to them till I die.
3rd big thing?
Well its you babe!
You meaning you, yes you, don't guess and look startled.
Its you babe, you played the rhapsodies in my life.

I still remembered my post quite long ago
At that point of time she just started her new path in life.

I don't know when was it, I just wondered when did it.
I've fallen for you so easily, so fast i sunk deep into your love trap.
"Love is nothing without your affection."
"Affection is nothing without my devotion."
I am truly devoted to the tiniest bits of your every love, just that it was not fully expressed into actions and words.
You made me the happiest man in the world, when you accepted me as I am.
ILLIE was my name that you descend to me, because Willie wasn't just that catchy.
You gave me words of encouragement and enthusiasm, those words sparked my every single available feelings of cheerfulness.
You revived me from the world that I am in, you became the world I would die to live in.
You gave me the motivation to do my work, to pursue a better course of life, a life that is capable of providing for you.
You made me want to work hard, sacrificing is nothing any longer to someone as selfish as me.
You made me love you more than I love myself, no one has made me think twice about self-centred thoughts.
You showed me that age, status and education doesn't matter in any aspects, although our age difference would invite gossips and ridiculation, you know our feelings are mutual.
I have pictures of you, all over in my head, on displays of my gaming consoles, background of every single computer that I have laid my hands on.
You made me rethink of my goal in life, its no longer to be self-sufficient, but to be able to make you happy for the rest of my life.
We were so close to being together, till that one fateful week that changed everything.
I had my final year project to finish up, 24/7 always thinking about you, often feeling like abandoning my work just to meet up with you to see that you are well, to see your smile.
I wished I was not that cold, I thought that you are devoted to me just like I am, I believed because you told me so.
I didn't expect, on the day before Chinese New Year, you would fall in love with another man. Leaving me helplessly waiting and pending the arrival of Valentine's Day. I wanted to do so many things with you, things that I believe, you would too.
I would stare at my psp, having goosebumps of pain and uncomfort, knowing that you, Clara, no longer the girl I know anymore.
I cried out loud yesterday at the living room, my parents thought I was crazy, that I would be so heartbroken over a girl whom they considered still a small and naive kid. But I believe you all the same, I know you are a wise and mature young lady. Which I love so much about you.
We could have been together by now, if I acknowledged it in time. Now I regret it so much, its becoming the 1st biggest regret of my life of 20 years and counting. I can't let go, I don't want to let go.
Upon knowing all these, I wished I was hardworking at some point of time. I know its not too late, Clara you know it as well, I have too much room to improve, just that I didn't take a step into it.
Now, I have, ILLIE today is changing for the greater good, I would work my ass off for you, get a driving license just to fetch you around. Get a job just to buy things for you, to tell you I'm not a lazy pauper anymore, I've grown up, with a meaning in life to work for. That is you, my living source of meaning for life. For you I would work my ass off, to be more than self-sufficient, to be more than just a normal working class.

I'm left with nothing, which means I can start from anything. I lost parts of my interest in dance because of so much negligence in NRA. I have no friends because I placed all my hopes on the wrong course of life. So now I restart, from the scratch again, to be a better person, in any aspects of my life I want to target for. My new year resolution is simple, I don't want to worry about things anymore, I want to make them all come true.

Clara, I'll meet you again soon. I'll be in my car with a bed of roses on the back seat, awaiting you at your school, We'll head off to the beach at sunset to enjoy french cuisine on the beach with portable tables and chairs furnished with exquisite fabrics and topped off with a candlelit. And we'll watch the sunset together, with the enjoyment of our food and wine, with the perfect lady sitting opposite of me, gradually and slowly tasting the food while embracing the warmth and colour of the sunset.

I'll see you again, babe..

Well look at the last part, I have a car now.
Just that I need a license (hopefully by 02.09.08 I will drive!)
and a bed of roses at the back seat (be surprised by the adaptibility of new HC)
:)
And of course, the perfect girl for the perfect idea from a..
not so perfect guy.
:)
Well sleep more and it will come true!
Thats what it is right?
DREAMS.
WELL THIS IS GOING TO COME TRUE I KNOW IT.

PS: I originally named that old post: Sweets for my Sweet Rhapsody.

RED.

There's nothing I can do about it anymore.

2008-05-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

I want to live on my life.
Instead of living in this useless reck.
I want to feel love for one last time.

Jacky Wu:
"In a person's life, he/she will only find true love twice.
Once, is to realise it but too late to get it back.
Twice, when you realise it and cherish it."

How true, now I know, I've been through my first true love.
For her, maybe its her, 12th love affair.
Thought I could stop it, but come to think of it.
She will only find a place in my first true love account.

Ai Lian told me on the phone,
"Girls like her, everywhere also got better ones."

Is that so?
20 years, 1 love 1 heart break.
My mum taught me so much things about being refined.
But she never told me about relationships.
Regret now already right mum? Happy Mother's Day :)
I want my next one, to be a successful one.
I know what I want, I know what I should do.
I know what to give, I know when to give.
I know where I should be, I know how will I get there.
Life is turning for me.
I need friends, to support me.
Hold me all the way till I stay strong.
Elaine, Ai Lian, Jeanette, Joyce, Rui Xiang, Aloysius, Mouse, Yutaka.
And my mother.
Others have more, but I only have you guys.
Maybe Bao Wen also, hey I know you're a nice chap I appreciate your help all the time.

WORK WORK WORK, SUPPORT MY CAR!
SUPPORT GIRL!
GO OUT
CLUB
SMOKE
DRINK
I DON'T CARE
ITS TIME TO ENJOY LIFE!

PS: if you're not even concerned, then please don't be.
the world is not cruel, its you girl, you're the truly cruel one.
your logic, shoots the shit on you, you're being cruel on me because the world is cruel to you.
so, here's one big word to you for all this shit you give me
"FUCK YOU"

and have a nice day.

RED

I know myself

2008-05-02T03:16:00.000-07:00

Look forward and enjoy life!
Bought a new perfume!
Alfred Dunhill's Desire.
No not the Desire Blue but the original Desire.
Sweet smell.
Bought my favourite coloured track pants!
Baggy just the way I love it.
Total Expenditure: $150.

In a day, I hope these will last me like years?
LOL.
I don't go out often, so I pray my perfume won't evaporate over time, haha!
Work starts tomorrow, gotta get my ass to do some money earning stuff.
Meanwhile, gotta shape up abit and start dancing all over again.
I don't think I will have time to dance anymore already.
Working on irregular timing, 3pm to 10pm.
All the afternoon time all gone.
But I hope to earn my first thousand greenies.
Then after that is smooth sailing till I get my driving license.
And drive my way around town!
Woohoo, my brothers, Yutaki shindoz and mouse.
We're going for a ride!
And of course to you, dear Clarabella Cinderella.
I promised you something I will try to get it done.
And Kai feng, yes I promised you to be the first passenger that I drive.
So is everyone else.
We can go GENTING, and so much more.
One day Shopping Trip to JB, KL.
Find JOE and stay at his house!
So many things to do!
Work, Dance!
Life, I'm getting it back now.
Friends please come and find me..
Don't wait for me to find you, cause when I do, you all always fail to respond to me.
Those who did, Thanks alot.
Those who didn't, with no specific reasons what so ever.
I don't know why, but I think its kinda fucked up and selfish.

RED.

Have to change

2008-04-26T02:47:00.000-07:00

Have to change to keep up with her.
She's giving all her time to her friends.
Because I'm not inside her priority list.
I know there are tons of fishes in the ocean..
But sorry I think I picked my one already.
I use to say I only love 2 women in my life,
now I will gladly say, I love 3 women in my life.
My grandma (24.4.2005) RIP
My mother
And you Kai Feng.
Yes you, don't look away.
I made up my mind.
You made me realised how important you play in my life.
How much vibrancy you have created when you stepped into my life.
I didn't value the sentimental greatness we share.
I was naive, and green in relationships.
I thought I can get better ones,
but I realised, you ARE the better one.
I realised my mistakes.
But you're already leaving the boat.
So now I am digging straight into my heart,
to pour out whatever I have left.
To make up whatever I can,
not to make you come back.
But to leave the boat with you together.
I believe in you Kai Feng,
I hope you will believe in me too.
Let me try all over again,
from the start, anew.
I will still choose to woo, court, like and love you.
Because you're not only my girlfriend.
You've become my soulmate.
I know what I want already,
I know what I need.
I want a happy family,
of course what I need is you.
I want to lay the roads with you,
a future together.
I will work hard, but please don't ignore me.
Give me more attention, more priority.
So I know, I'm working hard for our sake.
I'm wrong to be a loser,
I should never have been one.
I can make it big,
I want you to support me.
I want to support you too.
Be the one always beside me,
So I can do the same for you, now till the end.
I always love you,
I always do.
Even when I treat you bad,
its your hug, that I find my final resting place in.

Kai Feng, give me your hand.
Cause I will love you still till the end.

RED.

Determination

2008-04-25T01:25:00.000-07:00

It may not be a hint to me.
At least she lets me know,
she wants me to move forward.
She's becoming so much like me now.
So much, its hilarious.
Exactly what I did last thing,
she's doing it now.
HER TURN to ask me to change.
Its lame yeah I know.
Last time I beg her like siao,
please change, please change.
NOW SHE CHANGE.
And she "xian" me not successful.
Want me to change.
And she wants to interact with more people.
To get more experience.
Like finally!
But she drop the relationship so lightly,
to sacrifice for the change.
Which I totally disagree.
If you'll look at this blog again,
you'll come to understand.
Exactly how hard I want you to change,
yet I still love you no matter what the outcome was.
Until now, all the wrongs I have done,
I'm making it up for it.
Don't say I'm wasting money, energy and time on you.
That was what you did for me.
And I appreciate it.
I won't die sacrifice for you,
don't be stupid.
I am self sufficient, thats why I can give out some of the extras for you.
Cause I don't intend to keep the rest for myself nor anyone.
Thats maturity my dear,
not the way you look at it.
See got good looking guys, wanna interact with them.
Using the term as an excuse.
Please, you want to change and you want me to change.
The relationship can stay.
Don't break it off and give unreasonable reasons.
Make you hate me more?
Please, you're not thinking straight.
I hated you for one part of my life,
when you did what I am doing now.
But I salvaged my other half,
that half, that loved you so much when we got together.
Like what you said, "Wynne and Glen found their feelings for each other back"
Now I know what its like.
Although they didn't last long, but I know that feeling exists.
And I am having it now, just that its not your turn yet.
I can give you years of wait,
but I can tell you one thing.
I will be SUCCESSFUL in life when I ask for your hand again.
Even before, I just want you to know.
I destined myself to make you my Mrs.
And I will work hard for it.

RED.

2008-04-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Look forward look forward.
You are able to move on.
I should be able to.
But I hope to meet you again, at the end of the road.
I will work hard for myself.
Like what I always tell you to.
Love yourself first, before loving others.
I love myself, so now, its my turn to love others.

I love you readers!
tell me you love me too!
you love red right?
red loves you too!

LOL
lamest shit!

RED.

Cry to no hope

2008-04-22T02:30:00.000-07:00

No hope,
My kitchen's windows are open wide.
I want to jump,
free from stress and everything.
Free from the troubles of friends,
or even finding friends.
Free from being an asshole,
an asshole doing fucked up things.
Free from being a burden,
a burden to someone I loved.
ARH!
I lost everything in this year.
2008 is a bad year for me.
I longed for so long,
but now two words land me in the depths of my own hell.
I will never heal,
I don't want to heal.
Even if I have to kill, and suicide.
Die together.
I don't really care.
I can feel,
my evil is coming to me soon.
Over sadness, looks like I'm the possessive one.
I would kill if I have to.
I would die if I have to.

RED.

lies

2008-04-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

its all lies, came back hoping things will start afresh again.
I was wrong, everyone's still the same.
fucking people, i hope you all drown to death.
choked in your own sweat.
break more than 200 bones.
NGH!
society is cruel,
unless you're fucking good.
or at least, wanted by people.
face it, when they don't need you.
they throw you away.
when they need you, they fuck your ass hard.
squeeze you dry, and repeat.
damnations.

RED.

Ngh

2008-04-19T01:13:00.000-07:00

All I can say for tonight before I go off to malaysia is

You disappoint me, girl.
You really did.
It may not seem to be that affected to you.
But it just tore up my bleeding wound.
You're sick, just like all other girls.
"Now's your turn to play?"
You sound like some psychopath.

I don't think I'll ever want a girl after this.
Let all men in singapore be gay.
Because the girls are just as fucked up as the guys can be.
Kudos to homosexuals, death to all the fuckers.

RED.

Love is music, life is Dance.

2008-04-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

Love is the music,
Life is the dance.
You have the body,
Rhythm takes your soul.

I have fallen not once but several times,
it is through dance that I found comfort in.
Never did my friends ever amused me nor make me happy,
it is through dance that I found joy in.

I dare not trust in my friends that I have made,
because they did not give me the equal trust.
I dare not believe in my friends any longer,
for they do not believe in me and they avoid and stray.

I would not plead for attention,
nor would I plead for priority.
I asked for such simple as a greeting,
or even a small outing so meek.

None shall profuse such statements of I never tried,
it is not I did not but it was they who never.
None will assume that I have never give in effort,
it is I who always give but never receive for so long.

A leap year passed and one would start to wonder,
was it one who made a blunder or the others just that cruel minded.
A leap year will pass again and yet still a mystery,
was it one who still made the mistake or was the leap years that blunt the minds.

RED.

Tired

2008-04-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

I'm tired already, tried to talk but there's always no reply.
Waited to talk to people, but they all just seemed to disappear.
Finally thought I had some new friends, but its all in vain.
Looks like everyone moved on with their lives.
And I am the only one, still stuck at square one.
Not moving, unable to move, not knowing how to move on.
I feel like an old man now, being abandoned by family and friends.
Whats left is just a house and me, with an empty heart.
Loneliness, just can't stop repeating it.
How would anyone know what is loneliness, when all you do have is friends around you.
How can you understand and claim that you are lonely.
When you have so many fucking friends around you.
If that is lonely, then I can safely pronounce I'm a god.
Ever since I came back from my birthday chalet since 6.4.08, I haven't been going out.
The last time I finally went out for 2-3 hours was Saturday, 12.4.08.
During these whole time, I'm sitting at home.
Staring at the computer, trying to talk to people.
Play games to keep myself busy.
Arh, who gives a damn about what I write anyways.
I visit my own blog more than people do.
Constantly checking, hoping to reply as fast as possible.
But then no one gives a damn.
To them I might be just one hi-bye friend in their list.
But to me, they might be the only friends I can talk to.
Since the appreciation is not there, then what can I say.
I may always act fine and say its ok, or even laugh it off saying nevermind.
But I'm hiding it, all the hatred all the agony.
You guys never understand. Tsk.
Good night.

RED.

Today!

2008-04-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

Today's another boring of course,
Messaged people on the phone yesterday, but one no seemed to be bothered to reply.
Maybe I'm too boring for them already.
Yes I play game whole day long, never been going out for weeks.
Tried to ask people, deny invitation, good lord!
Tried talking to some people, conversation ended short.
So yesterday the whole day, I was doing nothing but sit-ups and top-rocks.
Bwah! If these were to carry on for weeks, Shindoz I can kick your ass in top rocks.
:D
Next month gonna start working already.
Have to start, sooner or later.
Hopefully I can earn my $800 by June.
Save money for computer and my driving license.
Who knows, August I will be driving already.
Whahaha!
Just gonna take some time though.
But I'm just self-comforting.
The fact that I have no friends is still there.
I don't name myself unsociable for nothing really.
There's a limit to befriending, sincerity is not there then no talk already.

RED.

Bwah!

2008-04-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

Jogged for a couple of days already..
Yes! I can see improvements, managed a three rounds in a row..
My lungs still aren't trained yet for long distance..
But I hope I can succeed..
Train hard, hopefully by the end of may I would have my six packs showing already..
That means I'm ready for BBOY!
Been training basic top rock like mad at home, trying to get the rhythm so I can dance.
Indian step, cross step, six steps and three steps..
Train like mad next time..
Yutaka bro please come back fast, we'll train together!

Been doing this things for the past few weeks:
Playing Monster Hunter Freedom 2 and Portable 2nd G (for sure)
Playing DJMax Portable 2 (for sure)
Jogging
Singing Jay Chou's Rainbow and Secrets I Cannot Tell (Chinese Songs)
Singing Big Bang's Lie and T.O.P's Act Like Nothing Has Happened (Korean Songs)
Reading Basic Theory once in a while
Play DOTA (to kill time)
Play Poker (learn, and kill time)
Doing exercises
Dance (for sure)
Sleeping before midnight
Waking up early in the morning like normal people should

Kakashi?

The psp is hidden..

Guardian Spirit Set with Bronze Coin GS. Woohoo!

Takes a while

2008-04-09T18:51:00.000-07:00

It takes 2 hands to clap,
yet just 1 hand to slap.

I've finally tasted the true meaning, of a break-up.
No longer the kid I am, no longer a boy I was.
I still love my games though, playing them and rotting at home since last week.
Spent hours in my room, just me and my games.
Waited for the phone to ring, hopefully a friend or something.
Waited for replies, looking upon the phone casually like it would ring suddenly.
Talked to people on the internet, gosh you should think of it as an internet spike.
Keep playing games, play and play.
Still can't get myself away from loneliness.
Looked at other people, wow they ALWAYS have friends around them.
No matter where they go, when they go.
I wish I have friends like that, maybe I'm not the type to have friends around.
Its not the first time though, it certainly ain't the last time.
4 years already, these loneliness still would leave me.
I'm trapped like a lab mouse, awaited the final test.
Would this test take my life away?

I don't really know, all I know now is.
I'm trapped and I am sticking out my hand through the cage,
waiting for someone to save me.
From these torment, this eternal solitary.
My heart beats for a stab wound, my chest is aching for a knife through it.
Maybe a jump from where I live can change everything.
For once, at least, a few moments of time through people's mind.
They think, and they forget.
Carrying on their life as usual.

RED.

Chalet

2008-04-07T07:15:00.000-07:00

Finally I woke up at humanly time..
And not still not sleeping at such a time..
Slept for 10 hours.. and TADA!
The chalet was pretty pitiful..
Seriously you could have thought of it as a sabotage from my friends..
But its free so quit whining!
Had my brothers there to enjoy it with me :)

The amount of people who is there.. haha!
Thats my god-sis bunny and my mum behind me, pretty obvious who is who xD.
On the left is Mouse and the right is Shindoz, my good brothers for life.
After that, of course, what else can we be doing.. lol..
Its Monster Hunting Party time!
Monsters Hunter:
Silver Rathalos (6 Times)
White Fatalis (All Died)
Fatalis (All Died)
Crimson Fatalis (All Died)
Lao-shan Long (Killed in 25 mins)

The aftermath of the monster hunter party.
I Love My Blue Ogre Sword.
Its super cool!

Of course, before all these, it was plain loneliness.
Really just so lonely I have a photo to prove it.

PSP, Speaker, Laptop, GAMES.

Chalet, thats what its all about. *rolls eyes*
Oh well, we did try to finish up all the snacks..
The last day we went to escape.. something more out of the house thing.

At the toilet of Escape theme park, getting ready to play!

Wanna race? I'll take you on!

The revolutionary new school hiphop small kids!

Lets get ready for the spinnings! @ Flipper.

Well today's going to be a great day I guess.
By the way, here's something to make you heart-itching Xinyi..
I made my conclusion for this post, a special part for you also..
LOL, first up.. of course, the thing I always wished you would buy it sooner or later.

PSP in 3 different colours:
Deep Red (Red's)
Blue (Mouse's)
Silver (Shindoz's)

A little gift from me to you.
Some tiny bits of editing, but yeah..
I stole your pictures.. so I'm returning them to you.. :)
Still got one more, but that would have to wait till next time then.

It's morning, that means breakfast.
I'mma off to eat something.
RED.

I'm back.

2008-04-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE..!!!

Red is back with a bang,
the problems solved when the school bells rang.
Stop acting like so pitiful,
when all you need is some real big dope.

Been through hell at the chalet, really no one around to celebrate..
Well its a surprise chalet, surprisingly pitiful chalet.
No one coming except my good bro Shindoz and Mouse.
And my god-sis Bunny.
She bought me a Domo handphone holder.. looks darn great I'm telling ya!
Havent really got to sleep yet, no energy to think or write too much..
Later then!

RED.

SAD

2008-04-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

Woohoo.. changing my blog song..
Tomorrow's my birthday chalet.. 4 - 6 April.
I wonder who will come..
All my fellow dancemates are preparing for the production in mid-april
And my buddies are either not free or working..
I seriously wonder who will come..
Damn free, even my mum can barely make it..
Everyone's so busy, I'm the only person who is free..
What the heck..
Its one of the 7th pitiful years for me.. hahaha
Need to get use to it.. Serious you will start to wonder..
Who your friends truly are..
When you give in so much, they take it for granted..
And they gave nothing back..
Seriously spartan mood man, and we're like the persians..
"Take everything from them, give them nothing!"

First Emo Picture I took.
RED.

Todays!

2008-04-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

Finally gotten my Rathalos plate!
Like finally, really finally, been 2 months I waited for it.
Now I have my Guardian Spirit Raiment Full Set!
But its only for show..
Up'ed it all to level 12.. with overall defense of 385?
Pumped it up with:
ESP
Divine Protection
All Res + 5

Yay! And of course I added in my favourite red as the S Set colour choice.. woohoo!
I'll upload it.. lol.. just to look at it myself..

Talked with xinyi as usual..
Asked what she was doing and she said she's reading my blog..
Yay! What are the odds having someone to read your blog while talking to you..
Sorry to ignore you for my game just now I was over-excited over the whole monster killing thing.
And yeah I think I still owe you one fairytale..
I'll tell it to ya next time alright?
I'll make sure its a good one, never been heard before.
She's the second person to go "wah" after she heard I am using a 5 megapix camera phone.
Actually the third.. LOL, there's another guy who was camera whorer and he's like wah.
Change your phone babe, touch screens without stylus is like using nails to write on metal.
Sounds weird but there's logical meaning in it, if you can catch the ball I threw..

:)

"Insane in the membrane"
by
RED.

Games!

2008-04-02T14:42:00.000-07:00

This entry is all about the rants of my game, Monster Hunter Freedom 2
So those not so interested personals just read read and smile.
Thanks!
Been playing that freaking game for 230+ hours, thats almost 10 days non-stop.
Still can't get what I want yet.
Rathalos Plate
Rathian Plate

RAWR!
I kill you all!!!
Kill and kill won't drop, what the hell is wrong with you!
Capture also never get, RAWR!!!!!!
I'll chop you down non-stop with my Blango Decimator till all of you extinct!
GRRRRR!!
Running out of bomb materials to make flash bomb, which is essential for hunting.
Blinds and confuses the monster so he's partially retarded.
How you wish you could use it on your friends sometimes. :)

I'll get another set of Rathalos Soul S Set soon. Just for fun.
And Jefferson yes, we will help you soon enough to get up the ranks.
And lastly of course, a photo dedicated to our dear Monsters.

This is how much I want to punch that freaking face of yours, Rathalos.

RED.

W..wah.. what?

2008-04-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

Redaora (me), Shindoz, Mouse and Yutaka. Brothers now, brothers forever.

Shindoz - "Gotta have soul."
Yutaka - "If you can't dance, just let the music move your feet."
Mouse - "I love dance."
Redaora - "Forget what others say, just dance."

Its been quite some time since I saw Yutaka and Mouse.
Mouse's been working for the greens and Yutaka's not yet back from army service.
Can't wait for him man, June and he's coming back finally!
Can start learning bboy from him and train often.
School's starting soon also I guess.
After my birthday which is around 7 April?
Crap, attend school once a week, how crappy.
But then no choice, who ask me to fail that lame ass module.
Screw you Agus, I know I passed the freaking exams.
My friends wrote shit and they passed, I wrote better crap and you failed me.
Prejudice crap!
Rawr!
I'll battle you in popping!
POP POP!! DIE.. HAHAHAHHA..

RED.

Updates!

2008-03-31T07:42:00.000-07:00

Yeah, finally took some photos for myself..
My style, my flavour!
Will be uploading them soon ba I think..
It took me quite a well to take those pictures..
Cause I'm just so freaking not photogenic enough..
But whatever, I took some gangsta style as well..
Yeah.. Will upload them soon..
Used a 5 mega pix camera phone to take..
And the resolution is freaking big..

RED.

Finally

2008-03-31T06:59:00.000-07:00

Argh.. today sleep the whole day..
Was damn tired.. Need to find work already..
Too much time wasted.. money as well..
Later maybe going down to break with friends..
I'll just learn my usual dance..
Everyday same thing, phone's been quiet for weeks already..
Any kind souls out there please sms me or ask me call you..
LOL.

RED.

Weekends activities.

2008-03-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

Well.. didn't do much things today actually..
Everyday's so boring.. well my club's having a production..
And I backed out from it.. so I can start working..
Yeah its kinda sad but oh well.. I get to save hundreds of dollars from dance classes..
Thats a positive thought to think about..
This weekend gonna be quite busy I guess..
Friday night stay over..
Saturday night Monster Hunter Freedom 2 slumber party with friends..
Sunday working..
Xinyi arh, quickly get a psp.. then can play with me..
24/7 active accompany you play.. lol..
you can count on it..
PSP is the best!

RED.

Morning!

2008-03-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

Morning frenzy!

Its the morning madness!

Woke up in the morning!

Time for a dip at jurong east swimming complex..

Thats where pei yi lives.. although we've never talked in years..

But but, the focus now is.. WATER-SLACKING!

Yes, its not swimming, nor chilling..

Its WATER-SLACKING.. DENG DENG!

It means you go to the water, and you slack there..

Yes, going with my other two friends.. which one I still can't contact..

I hope he didn't oversleep I'll crush his nuts..

The other guy was much more enthusiastic.. probably meeting him in 20 minutes' time..

By the way, talked with Xinyi yesterday on msn..

A great girl I met on friendster..

A beauty I say, fascinating attitude..

Had a small intro talk, yeah although her intro was not very brief..

I have to find things out by myself..

Guess what, she's a sprinter just like me!

Woot, what are the odds..

Secondary times I was a TAF member, doing 110m hurdles..

Got 1st in my school..

Got gold and silver for long jump..

Bronze/Silver for high jump..

Gold/Silver for 4x400m and 400m

Never got anything for 100m nor 200m..

But hey! I represented my school for 110m hurdles and long jump..

LOL.. old stuff.. I'm already dancing..

Can't even jog properly now..

Well have to go already!!

RED.

Blah

2008-03-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

Today's kinda weird for a day..

Firstly, I didn't do anything much.. as usual..

Talked with an interesting friend Miss Kazawawa..

The one whose friendster had a picture of her wrist being slit and blood flowing..

Thats sick man.. I mean if you wanna play around with relationships..

Then don't get burned.. who wants to play with fire man?

In terms of dance/bboy.. being burned really feels shitty.. so try to avoid..

Like what adults always say..

"Kiang jiu hou, mai kay kiang"

LOL.. so why thats what I'm trying to say..

Did a few routines with my popping and house.. can't say it improved at all..

But hey, practise makes perfect..

FINALLY.. DENG DENG!

I can do Air Chair!

After a couple of tries.. I managed to sustain my weight onto my right hand..

Its pain I tell ya.. and I had to use my left hand to grab my right hand for support.

Well everything starts from 1 and it goes into infinity..

I hope I can get it fast..

Till my other bro comes back.. BBoy Yutaki.. wahahha..

I'll train with him soon I guess..

Jog, train, flexes, stretchings..

Dope dope!

Car is coming soon! In a month's time!

YEAH.. DRIVE.. VROOM VROOM..

Send girls home..

Send fredy home! lol..

I wanted to do that though..

Just felt like it, he's like.. a distant good friend of mine..

Never talk.. but we're good friends..

Oh well.. its all in the package..

RED.

Isomnia

2008-03-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

Really feeling very bottled up..

Can't sleep at night.. Can't fall asleep as well..

Something is wrong with me..

I think my heart is failing me..

It seems to have beat vigorously at the wrong time..

Even when I am tired and sleepy..

It seems to beat so hard I can't fall asleep and I exhaust out alot of heat from my body..

Urgh.. Ngh.. Argh..

Can't seem to cure.. trying hard to get myself super tired..

So I'll just rest in peace and sleep the entire day off..

Oh great.. its morning already..

What a piece of shit!

Grrrr.. Need to change my lifestyle all over again..

Dance! Dance! Dance!

Gonna be a great dancer someday..

HOUSE! POP! NEW SCHOOL HIP HOP!

Thrive to make it to the top!

T.O.P!

Wahahahaha.. I'm crazy.. Nimonin Choni!

Sorry its a song from Big Bang..

Probably no one noticed this korean boy band but they're really great..

My very first idol in 20 years, a real one.

TOP aka Tempo from Big Bang!

Yo yo yo! :)

I'll try to fall asleep fast!

RED.

Nothing

2008-03-23T01:22:00.000-07:00

Went to work today, another boring day..

Oh ya..

I FINISHED CRISIS CORE!

In 30 hours remarkably, with quite a ton of good materias..

Critical with 9999 and i have max health..

Its a pretty good game though..

Talked with sarah this few days..

She's found her perfect soulmate, I feel glad for her..

At least she's still as crazy and funny as before..

:)

Had a couple of chats this few days..

Hope she gets into SIA soon..

As for me, of course the audition for Electrico's MTV failed..

But it doesn't matter, as long as its not through dance that I can perform for the media.. I consider it as small achievements altogether.

Been doing nothing by playing games and talking with a few friends..

Its weird you know, when everytime you look at your handphone and you go thinking, how come no one message me or something..

Then you feel bored..

For me, I don't..

Cause, I find freedom when no one messages you..

Come on, handphones are addictive..

And they give you extra responsiblity..

Assuming that they leave you a message or call you, you're require to acknowledge and response in time to whatever was conceived orally/visually by the opposite..

Its stupid actually..

So I feel very happy sometimes when no one contacts me..

Well unless its my friends contact me to go out.. thats different..

*YAWN* I'm freaking tired.. good night people!

Problems

2008-03-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I just have to tell myself.

No everyone will appreciate you the way others though.

Some would treat you like gold.

Some treat you like dirt.

Living life like normal would seem just.

But I beg to differ that one shouldn't achieve higher.

Sometimes life just needs to take a fall in order to realise how high it is.

I haven't got a chance to take a fall, thus I really don't know how high I can climb.

I know I can climb higher, I just have to reach for it as much as possible.

I really have to care about myself, always enjoying and playing games.

I've totally forgot about my future and what lies ahead of me.

I've forgotten that my aim in life is not to enjoy.

But to forge happiness for others.

Somehow I feel that I don't feel happy most of the times.

Which explained why my audition for Electrico's MTV was a failure.

Because I can't bring myself to smile.

But I almost made myself cry in front of the camera when they wanted sad expression.

Idiocy.

Maybe I can play the role of a crybaby.

That would be great.

RED.

Why.

2008-03-19T02:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not a sticker or a glue in relationships..

I enjoy freedom and I love my girl to enjoy her own spare time too..

Spare time to spend with friends.. Cause I know no one wants to be lonely..

The world is not just two existences.. You can't forsake friends for the holy thing called love..

I think that way, and I expect my further other half to look forward also..

Naggings are women's speciality, I accept it..

Maybe its how much I love the person and under what situation..

If it irritates, I would call her my mum..

If its out of care, I would smile at her and peck her on the cheeks..

Hmm, I think I should dedicate one part of the post.. to what I did today..

And also what I would want to do.. for any future happenings for a girl and I..

What I did today:

I spent the whole morning, translating this song that you're hearing..

Into something I can sing more convieniently.. and it really helps!

Now I can rap their part also.. Its really sick when you can sing korean..

Although I used japanese perspective to sing it.. hahahahhahaha

But oh well, the ups and downs..

Also, I finished it at 9am after I went to my friend's house from MCD..

Sleep all the way till 3+pm, wake up.. OH SHIT MY FRIEND IS GOING TO WORK AT 6pm..

No choice, wait up first meal is already McSpicy.. shit..

Then after that go home.. sit down.. check my blog and friendster..

Did abit of sit-ups and stomach flexes..

Went out to jog at 9pm to Mouse's house..

That's Holland to Bukit Timah for your information..

First time jog, keep stopping and walking.. no stamina at all.. crap..

Reach there, really cannot make it already.. took a bus back :P

Went to the cold storage.. bought some apples and some food to eat..

And tada!

Just finished eating them and bathing.. feel much more comfortable.. :)

Chewing on a fugi apple.. typing my post out..

Tomorrow got work (yay finally)!!

2pm.. need to take a bus at 1pm.. if not sure late again..

So my curfew for today is till 4am I MUST SLEEP..

Things I would do for a girl I really love.

Who wouldn't want your boyfriends, to think of you non-stop even when he's with some other friends outside playing pool or slacking?

I would have my laptop display, handphone display, psp display, nds display full of her pictures.. Just to remind myself, how lucky I am.. how much I should treasure her..

Buy her her favourite food once in a while.. as well as some small gifts..

Print a pillow cover of her picture and another for me, to be placed in the car..

Having her favourite soft toy around everywhere we go.. in the car.. at my place.. at her place.. always bringing it around..

Sing with her once in a while, love songs or whatever.. with most deepest feeligs put into it.. looking at her in the eyes.. be it romance or laughter..

Fetch her anywhere she want to go to.. even if its not ideal..

Play sports often! Go to the beach, go swim, bball, volleyball, cycling..

Cook her some home-made delicacies on special occassions.. just to tell her how special she is..

Occupy myself whenever she goes out with her friends or is busy at the moment and stuff.. Play psp, computer, surf net.. sing song.. or even dance..

Train with her.. go for jogs once in a while and do some fitness together..

Life is fulfilling when you want it to be, only with who you want to really..

For me, I've yet to find the perfect one.. MY perfect one..

RED.

No More Girls.. Only Dance!

2008-03-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

I've decided.. Yes I can have alot of female friends..

But now.. my only girlfriends available to me is my RED PSP SLIM and MY DANCING + BBOY.

And my wife is my Honda Civic..

I'm so getting to dance.. so hard it takes the shit out of me..

I wanna improve beyond improvement..

To reach a higher standard of dance..

That reaches beyond performance.. An ability to freestyle and take part in any types of dance competition..

I wanna express myself.. I wanna show the world what I can do..

What I will acheive.. even without NRA..

I will strive harder no matter what..

Dance

BBoy

Pop + Lock

Its all in the package now..

Are you ready for RED the unsociable dancer?

RED.

Today

2008-03-18T03:10:00.000-07:00

Let's see, since there is someone from the tagboard or should I say.

THE ONE AND ONLY AT MY TAGBOARD.

Who requested for a reflection of the day.. so lets see what I have done today..

I stayed at my friend's house today..

Woke up, used the computer till like 5pm.

By the way I woke up at around 2pm I guess.

Helped out with cooking for lunch. (Wierd ass time for lunch yes I know)

Back to the keyboard whoring and abit of psp here and there.

Then before I know it, it was 10pm!

I decided to go Mac because the internet was pretty sucky at his house.

And TADA.. I'm here till now. (Now = look at the bottom right of this post.. -.-)

Still will be here till breakfast then go back to his house bath and sleep again.

I think, tomorrow will be the same thing, except I'm gonna go for Bboy training or something?

Like finally, I get to start Bboying after 3 years of hiphop dance..

Wahahaha.. like finally..

RED.

Translation 2

2008-03-17T04:11:00.000-07:00

Source provided by FFfan through the tagboard, thanks!

Why by Ayaka.

English lyrics by Poke My Pocky

The image of your face

The vision of you eyes

All the memories we made

Are imbedded in my mind

Just hold me close

You’ll hear my heart

Beating faster when you’re near me

It’s running away

With the yearning for your love

Why

Is it hard for me to accept that you’re gone?

Why

Is my whole world crumbling down?

If there was a way to bring you back again

I’d hold out my hand and fly to you on angel wings

Oh oh

The melody of your voice

As we made out secret plans

The essence of my wildest dreams

Were embodied in you

It isn’t fair

Now that you’ve gone

I am alone in this cruel world

Where is the love

That we once shared when you were alive?

Why

Is my heart aching for what has long since passed?

Why

Aren’t the Heavens looking down

On this lonely heart who needs a light

Like what you once gave to me in the dark

I wonder if

You have forgotten me

Oh yeah

Don’t let me disturb your rest

Go on, sleep peacefully

I will join you someday soon

And I will ask

Why

Did it take me so long to find this inner peace?

Why

Could I not see it before?

Life and love are the same thing

When you look with your heart and not with you eyes

I know why

You waited here for me

One of the only FEW songs sang by girls that I like, which normally I hate girl's song, especially chinese, cause they sound so girly and high-pitched, unbearable! URGH

Song

2008-03-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

WHY - AYAKA

Hitomi no oku ga boyake te mie nai
kokoro no soko no kimochi wa aru no ?

sekai no subete wo te ni shi ta toshite mo
sore ga anata no shiawase na no ?

Why kodoku na sora wo miageru no ?
Why waratte mise te yo

kotoba ni suru no ga heta na
anata no seikaku wakaru kara

tooi mukashi ni nani ga atta no ?
shisen wo sorasu anata no hitomi ni

hitori de samishii yoru ni dakishime rareru
sonna atataka sa shitteru ?

Why doushite katachi ni kodawaru no ?
Why kokoro wo hirai te
ookina nimotsu wo seotta
anata wo ukeire rareru chikara
aru wa shinji te mi te ?
Ohh..Yeaahh

jiyuu na hito wa bukiyou de ?
jiyuu na hito wa fuan de ?

Why kodoku na sora wo miageru no ?
Why waratte mise te yo
kotoba ni suru no ga heta na
anata no seikaku wakaru kara
shinji te mi te

*this song will bring me to my knees. a song so strong it makes me feel unbearable, a overdosage feeling of loving someone so hard. heart beats harder each time, the feeling of loving a person is too intense for the common to bear. why does my life have to be so different from what i really want to forge. why*

Target

2008-03-14T11:35:00.003-07:00

I want my girl to randomly have all these:

Sporty
Gentle
Demure
Cute
Hyper Active
Loves Games
Little Miss OverJoy
Sassy
Mature
Loyal
Fiesty
Adorable
Outgoing
Spontaneous
Conservative
Caring

A perfect girl in millions to count,
yet impossible to find.

Life's like shit, we're just the dietary fibre.
So, just live it.

*a boring public announcement from ILLIE.*

Bored as hell

2008-03-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

I feel inferior to every guy I see, I just feel that I don't match up to them.
Beside them, is always a girl, so charming so beautiful and so loving to them.
I always think to myself, how on earth did they ever get acquainted.
Maybe I have bad luck, or maybe I don't know how to express myself well enough.
I feel like I'm ugly and unapproachable.
Or maybe there's no fate between me and girls.
5 crushes and still no success.
Is it because I am not initiative enough, or I just don't appear to them that much.
I wonder to myself, why am I the unlucky one.
And I realised one thing, by setting your goals further, one can achieve better things..
So what should I do now,

CONCENTRATE ON YOUR FUTURE!

YES!
GET MY LICENSE, DRIVE MY CAR!
MY WIFE IS MY CAR, YOU JUST HAVE TO BEAT IT TO GET TO ME!
LIFE IS A GAME,
AND EVERYONE'S PLAYING IT.

What I want.

2008-03-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

Let's write down a list, to make myself feel clearer and comfortable.

The things I want to get it down by this year is:

Get into army, hopefully SCDF Training Officer Course. (OCS)
Finish up my driving license by October.
Get a car by the time I get my license. (Toyota Corolla Altis New Gen)
Get the new iMAC 300gb.
Get Nintendo Wii.
Get a new TV.
Get a new oven for mum.
Get a new sets of pants and shirts for dad.
Get a gaming internet router for brother and myself.
Learn more IT things to fit into the resume.
Target my first basic job to be around $2k pay.
Re-deco my room.
Learn to wake up in the morning for breakfast with parents.
Eat meals on time with my family.
Learn to spend little and earn more.
Dance, get into shape and dance like a mad dog.
Efficiency, build up my own time management and priority listing.
Set my goals higher, girls, job and salary all alike.
Love my family more than anyone else.
Treat my parents better, try to communicate with my brother other than games.
Able to pay for my own car fuel.

Dance

2008-02-21T06:25:00.000-08:00

I'm drifting away from dance already.
Not because I lose my passion, its because I lost my interest in where its placed.
Been in NRA for 3 years already, long time, train like mad.
Tried different things, always someone better.
Practised so much of basics, always someone stronger.
Tried to join a competition, had bad luck with the members, just don't click.
Maybe I should start learning bboy or something, hopefully I would be included in some sponsor for studio and stuff, NRA is no longer a place I go to, its a place i love to shun from.
Old already, alumnis like me are to be erradicated from NRA, only those precious members will be kept.
I won't come back though, I don't think I ever will.
I suck at dancing, I tried to make my own style, but people always see it as I'm biting their friend's style. Common idiocy, i assume.
But nevermind, I will still continue to dance, my way.
Maybe not that much any longer but then still dance my way up.
Maybe go join some studio or something, NRA's really hopeless for me already.
I use to love and adore and cherish NRA so much, but it really doesn't reward you for your utmost effort.
So I guess sooner or later I will leave the land of sorrows and disappointment and go somewhere else.
Maybe I'm not cut out for dance, not as talented as fredy, not as charismatic as ken, not as hardworking as anyone else in the entire god-damned club.
Its not I'm lazy to begin with, its the gradual process that makes me lazy to train.
Seriously speaking from my point of view, I think the club lacks the freestyle factor. But its cool anyway, I lived my life through it for 3 years, I thank them for making me into a dancer.
Not a good one but at least I know I can own other people in later parts of my life if its ever going to be of any use.

Once again,
I really love NRA, just that it doesn't like me.
I love dance to my core, but it just seems that my core is not enough for it.

Good night everyone.

Sweets for my sweet rhapsody

2008-02-13T08:13:00.000-08:00

I don't know when was it, I just wondered when did it.
I've fallen for you so easily, so fast i sunk deep into your love trap.
"Love is nothing without your affection."
"Affection is nothing without my devotion."
I am truly devoted to the tiniest bits of your every love, just that it was not fully expressed into actions and words.
You made me the happiest man in the world, when you accepted me as I am.
ILLIE was my name that you descend to me, because Willie wasn't just that catchy.
You gave me words of encouragement and enthusiasm, those words sparked my every single available feelings of cheerfulness.
You revived me from the world that I am in, you became the world I would die to live in.
You gave me the motivation to do my work, to pursue a better course of life, a life that is capable of providing for you.
You made me want to work hard, sacrificing is nothing any longer to someone as selfish as me.
You made me love you more than I love myself, no one has made me think twice about self-centred thoughts.
You showed me that age, status and education doesn't matter in any aspects, although our age difference would invite gossips and ridiculation, you know our feelings are mutual.
I have pictures of you, all over in my head, on displays of my gaming consoles, background of every single computer that I have laid my hands on.
You made me rethink of my goal in life, its no longer to be self-sufficient, but to be able to make you happy for the rest of my life.
We were so close to being together, till that one fateful week that changed everything.
I had my final year project to finish up, 24/7 always thinking about you, often feeling like abandoning my work just to meet up with you to see that you are well, to see your smile.
I wished I was not that cold, I thought that you are devoted to me just like I am, I believed because you told me so.
I didn't expect, on the day before Chinese New Year, you would fall in love with another man. Leaving me helplessly waiting and pending the arrival of Valentine's Day. I wanted to do so many things with you, things that I believe, you would too.
I would stare at my psp, having goosebumps of pain and uncomfort, knowing that you, Clara, no longer the girl I know anymore.
I cried out loud yesterday at the living room, my parents thought I was crazy, that I would be so heartbroken over a girl whom they considered still a small and naive kid. But I believe you all the same, I know you are a wise and mature young lady. Which I love so much about you.
We could have been together by now, if I acknowledged it in time. Now I regret it so much, its becoming the 1st biggest regret of my life of 20 years and counting. I can't let go, I don't want to let go.
Upon knowing all these, I wished I was hardworking at some point of time. I know its not too late, Clara you know it as well, I have too much room to improve, just that I didn't take a step into it.
Now, I have, ILLIE today is changing for the greater good, I would work my ass off for you, get a driving license just to fetch you around. Get a job just to buy things for you, to tell you I'm not a lazy pauper anymore, I've grown up, with a meaning in life to work for. That is you, my living source of meaning for life. For you I would work my ass off, to be more than self-sufficient, to be more than just a normal working class.

I'm left with nothing, which means I can start from anything. I lost parts of my interest in dance because of so much negligence in NRA. I have no friends because I placed all my hopes on the wrong course of life. So now I restart, from the scratch again, to be a better person, in any aspects of my life I want to target for. My new year resolution is simple, I don't want to worry about things anymore, I want to make them all come true.

Clara, I'll meet you again soon. I'll be in my car with a bed of roses on the back seat, awaiting you at your school, We'll head off to the beach at sunset to enjoy french cuisine on the beach with portable tables and chairs furnished with exquisite fabrics and topped off with a candlelit. And we'll watch the sunset together, with the enjoyment of our food and wine, with the perfect lady sitting opposite of me, gradually and slowly tasting the food while embracing the warmth and colour of the sunset.

I'll see you again, babe..

Back to Square One.

2008-01-06T05:31:00.000-08:00

Guessed I'm back again to square one, been trying to hard to find what people call "friends".
My journey has been around the world and back to where I am again, as alone as I used to be 2 years ago when I first stepped into NP.
Funny thing about this is, I used to tell myself during the O Levels holiday:
"Willie, if you get dissed on in secondary school, live on, in poly its a new life with new faces. Do your best and start anew!"
Come to think about it, didn't really make much changes didn't it?
Maybe its the initiative, I always don't go talk to people or something. I have to admit, I'm very shy when it comes to talking to people, well as well as the fear of denial when you talk to people.
You know those type that can't be bothered with you when you TRY to converse with them? They just give you a short reply like YES or NO, and they freaking walk off like they don't want you close to them.
Its kinda sad though, I think I'm already part of the "OMG stay away from me" club.
Not friendly and I look fierce, period.
Well now let's move on, its a new year right?

Happy new year to everyone out there who still can't bear to leave the holiday moods behind!
Well I can't, its been a great holiday of 2 weeks and I havent gotten myself a good time to break down and rest.
As for funka, work hard people! I've seen so many powerful groups, sometimes I wish I have my own specialised group of people to work with. Like Terence's group, they all look really good as a team. Have to dig the whole entire singapore to find that combination of people. RAWR! Its so hard to get someone who can dance with me, I'm not saying that my team sucks, my team members are all valuable assets of their own genre of dance I second to that. Can't wait to get my chemical song choreography to be done, my only focus for now.
Been getting Isomnia for so long, what's worse than being alone at night till morning when the sun rises and you're staring at the screen thinking why I have no friends? WHY? WHY? Then you start banging your head then you go OUCH i think that will leave a mark.
Been through, done that.
I've read Fredy's blog just now and it really hit me about the "We all need the bad times or there'd be no good times.
A person wouldn't enjoy them if they didnt know what sorrow felt like."

How do people feel happiness when all they know is enjoying the times as it is meant to be. How would they feel when sadness weathered upon them unknowingly, would they understand the pain to feel the love?

Start once again from square one,
No friends.
No life.
A bad reputation.

The only difference that is currently surfacing. Its wierd to know you're running a bad rep when you don't talk to people at all yet they don't like you about something you never do but what they hear from other people's mouth.

Despite all this, lets see who or where should I start anew again.